jiawunnnnn

:)

2011-07-03T22:29:00.002+08:00

relink please ♥

New Blog (CLICK)

Camp!

2011-05-28T14:12:00.001+08:00

The camp was sho nice!
SO fun :D

That's all.

Injured my leg; but my left leg more - again.

The tshirt design so nice leh~

I heard its from Evon's group one.

hee! :D

2011-05-26T22:07:00.002+08:00

Hello! Mid term exams are finally over! YAY!!! Holidays! :D

So, tomorrow is the girl guide's camp.. Held in school -.- I don't know whether to be excited or not.. But I'm quite la.. Think it would be fun.. Though I am not thrilled about sleeping in school, I think spending time with my friends will be fun. And sleeping away from my bed for one day would be fun. :P But im sure to miss my comfy bed! :) hahahaha!

Okay night bye :D

Alone and unloved

2011-05-24T19:52:00.002+08:00

I took so much time to type all my feelings out. Did you take the time to read it? I don't think so. I know if you read it, you would've said something. Why are things so confusing lately? They started out so perfect.

You said, "All I'm asking is for you to be patient with me." I know, baby, I know. I am trying.. But are you trying after I said, "All I'm asking is for you to hold me and make me feel loved"?

You can be so frustrating at times. You know you said you'll try to make it happen.. And then when I tell you, I'm going out with someone else on that day, you just say okay. What? Is it like, "YAY! I DONT HAVE TO GO OUT WITH YOU ANYMORE!!! :D:D:D:D" Or did you forget? Frankly, I don't think you forgot. You were wishing I forgot, weren't you? Well, I haven't. But after that, even I don't feel like it anymore.

My sister's coming back next week! :D YAY I MISS HER!

Rants

2011-05-22T20:53:00.004+08:00

Some of you bitches might want to skip this post because it's so motherfucking solemn.

Although I know some of you nosy people want to read this because I'm going to complain a lot.

But first, I'm going to blog about what my relationship WAS like.

And I don't need none of your fucking judgments.

You better read this if you're one of the people judging me when you don't know what's going on right now between me and the ex.

This is going to be a pretty long post; and those of you who don't see the point of me blogging this, well let me tell you.

None of you have been there for me, except a few (countable with one hand), so I have to let it all out here.

It all started out really innocently. Back in Form 1, I was naive; I didn't know anything about relationships or heartbreaks. I thought I did, because at that time, I was only 13. And heartbreaks to me were like nothing because they weren't really heartbreaks. Until September 4th, we went bowling. He asked me, on like a friendly date with other people. After that day, we spoke to each other literally every day. After 2 weeks, my friends and I went for a movie. I asked if he wanted to come along and he actually arrived before me. It was September 19th; that day.. he made me so happy. He purposely bought separate seats for us; but I was shy. Li Qin wanted to take that seat with him but eventually we swapped, I forgot why. I remember we were watching Where Got Ghost?. It was his second time watching that movie, so he knew when the scary parts were coming. He kept scaring me by saying they were.

He said, "You might want to come closer now." Those words made me blush. I couldn't even think straight then. I did, he hugged me. And at that moment, I didn't want him to let go. Ever. It felt so right. That night, we were texting as usual. But we were being really sweet and all. He sent me a text asking, "So are we like together?" I replied saying that I wasn't sure. He then said fine and "proposed". But for some stupid reason, I told him to put it off until the next day. He said fine but I would have to be the one who "proposes" then. I still remember, the next day.. 20th September 2009, at about 11AM. :)

There started our journey of love. I don't care what you people think. I know it was love. I know how much he loved me and I know I reciprocated. After about 3 months of being together, we started fighting; because of typical reasons. People took bets that we wouldn't last 3 months together and some said it would last a long time. And so we went, fighting every time; but our love grew stronger each time we made up.

And then, I know I did bad things. I took almost all his time, and made him turn his back on his friends. You know I never meant for those things to happen, I know his friends hate me. And I am not surprised. He used to be so close to them, and when he was with me, he had to spend every moment with me. I am so, deeply, truly sorry. To him and to his friends.

Baby,

You've seen me at my worst, you've looked past all my flaws. I remember those times when you would wake up in the middle of the night just to make me feel alright, just to take care of me when I was having my cramps. Whatever it was that brought me down, you picked me up and helped me through it.

I vowed to myself I was going to marry you one day. Because everything we had, was just so special and so right. No one can say anything about it, because they're not me. I've been there and I've seen that. I've seen the way you took care of me. The way you loved me. The way you wrap your arms around me, pull me in for a quick kiss and everything's alright. I didn't care if people said relationships at my age (14 at that time) don't usually end up in marriages. But I believed.

Three months ago, we were together for 1 year and 6 months; we broke up due to some complications and miscommunication. And for those three months.. We texted like nothing happened; but claiming that we're not together. You kept telling me that we're going to get back together soon.. But it's been 3 months and that hasn't happened. My hopes are still high and I am still waiting.

But I could really see that, you loved me so much more back then. You do love me now, I know you love me a lot, but just not as much as before. The worst part is, I don't know how to rebuild our love. I try and try and try every day. I've tried everything & I hope you can do this with me. I hope you can cooperate with me to make our love stronger than ever.

I miss those days, baby. I miss them so much. They're nothing but memories now; as if engraved into stone and into my heart. But the part that I miss the most about our amazing relationship was you ♥ The way you could make me smile; how amazing it was when you just hugged me and didn't want to let me go.

I miss you so much, baby ♥

I still love you so much.

:(

2011-05-22T17:20:00.001+08:00

I have been waiting, and waiting, and waiting. You keep saying soon. I keep waiting for you to come back. 3 months i've been waiting. Are you really worth the wait?

2011-05-20T17:10:00.002+08:00

Hello :)

Eeeee, exams started already! I'm so bored these days.. Talk to me la! The bm paper today was.. my god la. It's so hard I don't even understand. Especially paper 2 right, the novel part. WTF WEI. Go die lah.

ISHHH.

Outing :D

2011-05-10T17:10:00.028+08:00

This are the pictures of the outing.. but first, these three pictures are acting lala pose for Gabrielle He Hui Hua.

There's only 1 thing,

2 say,

Those 3 words,

Failed no. 3 lala pose.

With the pretty, Sherry.

With the crazy, Gabrielle.

With the idiot, Victor.

With the k-pop crazy, Kher Xhing.

With the other birthday boy, Seng Hou.

With the pretty again, Sherry.

With the annoying, Li Qin.

With the creepy, Adriana.

Gaby again.

Kendrick.

Victor, using my girly phone!

Victor, watching football.

Thanks for the outing ♥

I love you all. :)

Happy Birthday to Me!

2011-05-05T22:18:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! :D

Heheeeee! Okayokay, soon I will post pictures.

Now I am tired and upset.

Yes, it's my birthday and I am upset.

Why else right? Everyone knows why. And please, whatever you do.. Don't ask me to leave him. I know it's for my good. But don't okay? It's my rights to make my own decisions. I don't think I should leave him. I know there's a part of him that loves me so fucking much. He just don't know how to show it. If it really doesn't work out for me, I'll leave okay?

Im 15 :)

HELLO! :D

2011-05-04T21:03:00.003+08:00

Shown in the above picture is me acting cute in my grey lens (SHUPER LOVEEE ♥) and my cute hair XD with my towel hanging on my chair in the background. HAHAHA! I heard about this type of hairstyle long ago.. Then that time AD helped me tie something I can't see. She told me it's fishtail braid. I googled it then I realised it's this style. I really like it, it's quite nice. But today I saw someone do the waterfall braids so fail! Damn not nice wei. So far, I know the normal braid, french braid, dutch braid, fishtail braid. Hehe :) In the above picture, I actually combined dutch braid and fishtail braid, but you can't see the dutch braid from here. It's on the left side, wrapped around my head one pulled towards the fishtail braid. Then put Hello Kitty clip on top. Hello Kitty damn cute lah! Always pink and no mouth one :3

This picture was taken without flash, and the lighting was edited. So you can see that my grey lens are not that clear. When with flash, omg damn scary. Haha!! I'm loving my grey lens so much :) Started wearing it on Monday.. 2/5.. Haha. It's 3 months disposable so.. I guess RM150 is worth it for two pairs ma right? 6 months.. Which.. According to my calculation, should be about RM25/month? Okay what. :)

My birthday is tomorrow leh. Gosh, so fast right? It's already May.. I'm turning 15.. Next year I'm already Form 4. Wow, so fast. I still remember Std 6 and Form 1. :P

kkbaii :D

Again

2011-05-03T23:59:00.003+08:00

How is it my fault again?

You didn't reply me so I called to say goodnight.

I asked you what you were doing, cos I thought you fell asleep.

You replied me, "I was doing something but I'm so damn tired."
So I asked you, "What was it you were doing??"
And you didnt reply so I asked again.

And this time you shouted at me in frustration, "I told you I'm sleeping right?"

I'm sorry if I did anything wrong.

I just wanted to know what you were doing cos you didnt reply me.

Im sorry.

3 days to go.

2011-05-02T21:16:00.005+08:00

3 days to go, baby! :D

You know what I want from you?

I don't want you to give me anything that costs fucking lot of money.

I want you, to be with me again, and this time.. Love me with all your heart; don't let me go.

Let your friends know about me, they deserve to know and I deserved to be told about.

Don't be so stubborn, don't shout at me so much. Just be with me, love me, take care of me.

You know I'm the only one that will never, ever hurt you no matter how much you put me through, right?

I love you so damn much, baby.

This year 'round, my birthday wish.

Will be you.

GODDAMN CUTE!

2011-04-30T18:01:00.003+08:00

I went to JJ today with my cousins. Supposed to go with Gaby but changed plans. The Bukit Raja JJ damn boring wei. But we had fun, mainly cause of my 14year old cousin, damn fail but she damn cute. I went to buy my colour lens, grey and brown.. Yeah, 2 pairs.. So that's 6 months! :) And then we (me and 17year old cousin) made her try contacts. Because, she's gonna get contacts soon and it's her first time. So, me & my cousin wanted to see how long she took before she can put the contacts in by herself. Me & 17year old cousin both took 30minutes on our first try. After 1 hour of failing, it was 3:25.. Our movie started at 3:20 LOL. We went at like 2:10? And it still didn't go in her eye. She keep blinking. Seeing her try is damn painful to my eye!! Hahaha! so fail. so cute. ishh.

We went to window-shoe-shop. Not really window I guess, we tried them on. I saw this really cute heel!! But I used up all the cash I had on me. :( It's damn cute. I love peep-toed shoes! So cute! :) And it had ribbons. So cute la omg!!! Yes, everything was cute. That's what my title says! :)

Hehehehe xD

GOOOOOBAIIIIII :D

6 DAYS :)

2011-04-29T20:59:00.002+08:00

CAMWHORE! :P

I hate my lips. Ugh, they're so.. bleah.

Actually took all these on the 1st day of CNY. HAHAHA!

I am dressed and ready to go out! :D It's already 9, yes, I realise that.. But I'm still going out. Empire I think :) I'm so excited - it's been so long since I went there.. About like 5 months?? Haha! I only went there once to be honest. It's nice :)

LOL. And I know that my pictures and my real person looks completely different!! What la, I'm just photogenic can or not? haha!!! Just so you know, I don't photoshop my face, all i edit on pictures is the lighting and maybe add text. My face looks flawless - no pimples all those.. (LIES) it's because of my camera's flash. YES I LIKE FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY. Don't judge me. Flash can cover so many imperfections.. Haha, but can't cover my eyebags! Need concealerrrrr or undereye coverage :( I'm gonna get something soon. Consider it as my birthday pressie for myself! :P Haha - that's so sad..

YES! MY BIRTHDAY! :D

WHEEEE, it's in like.. 6 days :)

hello world :)

2011-04-28T20:37:00.002+08:00

hey guys. i know i haven't updated lately. im lazy + i have nothing to update about. my life is pretty boring. its actually not, there's a lot of complications going on but i can't possibly update about my personal life problems here.

about the favourite products post, it'll probably come up in a million years. i'm too lazy.

yes, conclusion, im a lazy ass.

kkbaii :)

What can I say?

2011-04-20T22:42:00.002+08:00

I have so many problems going on in my life right now..

Who am I supposed to go to?

I can't go to you.. You won't even listen.

All you want to do is SLEEP.

kicking in the backseat

2011-04-06T21:06:00.002+08:00

Thanks to GABRIELLE HE HUI HUA,

'Friday' is stuck in my head.

Anyway, my next post is going to be a little different.

I thought I'd share the stuff I'm loving this month with you guys :)

Might be makeup, might be cleanser, might be candy, might be books, might be anything! WHEE :D

Across the room, your silhouette. ♥

2011-03-28T18:01:00.002+08:00

Hello :)

Three days ago on Friday, I didn't go to school. HAHA :D Then, on Saturday, I went to Earth Hour. Quite a lot of people I guess? But lesser than last two years? It was quite fun but the turning off the light damn fail.. haha!

Today was again almost all sports.. In the morning, stand under the sun "rehearsing". Just hear them talk then clap -.- 1 hour plus you know! I think so la.. Felt like it was 2 hours. Then interval, after that the runners went stadium to run. Then we had to practise our marchpast.

So tiring and boring at the same time. Haha.

kkbaii :)

you're still an innocent ♥

2011-03-23T18:18:00.002+08:00

Laughed a lot in school today :) So fun!

When I talk to you nowadays, feelings are fading.

Both your feelings and my feelings, i just know it. I can hear it in your voice. I know I'm such a burden to you, well I'm sorry? I know I've been a really bad girlfriend. I don't want you to hurt no more okay? Something in me tells me to walk away.. So that this will never happen again.. but I can't bring myself to do that. I can't stay away from you. I'm trying. When I think I don't need you, you talk to me and all those memories come flooding back. And I just miss them and I miss you! Sometimes I wonder if YOU miss me. I wonder if you like it now that we're not together.

You promised me forever, but that's what everyone says right? Until they break up. But I felt so strongly attracted to you. I felt so right with you. It was perfect, like I never want it to be with someone else. But unfortunately, it had to end. Those memories, I don't want them to just be memories.. I want them to be real. I want us to make more memories of us being happy together. I want us to actually be us. I want us to be together and to stop fighting.

I know that you said it's annoying that I always say the same thing.. But did you ever realise that I only say the same things because it was never solved? All you did was say you're sorry. You don't give me an explanation or a solution. You just say you're sorry and let it go. When I ask you for an explanation, you say you don't know. Of course I get sad right? Then I ask you again and again right? I was your girlfriend. I should have known things.

After a year of being with you, every time I talk to you on the phone had awkward silences. You didn't tell me anything from your day. You still don't. I feel so bad, like shouldn't I be the one you love talking to? You told me once that you like fun to talk to people. Am I not? Do you think I'm not? Do you think it's a waste of time talking to me? Every time I tell you my feelings, you say I'm complaining. I don't know what to do. I'm not complaining..

I was in love with you. So deeply. And I always tell people that I'm so lucky to have you as my baby. And that my baby is perfect; he's so awesome! Now? What can I say? I don't know either. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to be with you again.. If I do, would you change? You can't be with me and say you'll change. You'll have to change before you get back with me. And I'll have to learn to tolerate..

Wai Yuen told me.. I have to tolerate.

He wrote the word "tolerate" on my hand and drew a heart over it. And it actually meant something to me.. I have anger problems. I'm sensitive; I get angry sooo easily! But I forgive easily too.. That's the weakest point about me.. I need anger management pills. :(

I suck.

im sorry ♥

2011-03-21T20:58:00.003+08:00

Time has passed.. Yesterday was supposed to be our 1 year 6 months. Those were happy times, yeah.. I thought they were. And I truly, deeply miss them ♥. But, I can't do it anymore.. At least not now.. I'm not ready for it.. After you sent me that message today, I just know it was gonna happen soon - too soon! I'm not ready..

I've been so cold to you in texts.. and this is to let you know why..

I can't let myself fall for you again. Everything about you is perfect. But I can't bring myself to fully accept that because you've hurt me. You've killed me inside, silently. All these times, this 1 year 6 months.. This three weeks that we broke up.. It taught me a lot. It taught me that your love was not the only thing in my life that could keep me going. I love my friends and my family. They make me smile and laugh all the time. :) But as for you, you give me this confidence.. This feeling that makes me believe in myself so much. But I just can't.. Not yet.. I'm sorry.

fucked up

2011-03-21T20:21:00.002+08:00

Some people are just so fucked up.

Some school rules are absurd.

Just because of a fucking hair tie that's a light purple, I get 2 points? Wtf?

When I clip back my hair, you say its messy.

When I clip it up, you say its messy.

When I don't clip it, you say its messy.

Whatever I do with my hair, you complain.

Do you expect me to do what you did to your hair?

Please. Oh wait, do you even have hair?

Why don't you put up a fucking stupid rule that says everyone has to fucking shave their head?

Isn't that easier?

Oh wait! Shaving your head bald is against the school rules too?

Omg, would it fucking kill?

Long hair, no. Bald, no.

What you want from our lives?

its so hard :(

2011-03-18T20:39:00.003+08:00

Time has gone by so fast! We almost broke up for 3 weeks already. Soon to be one month. It didn't seem so fast waiting for our anniversaries. Haha. But anyway, I'm good now. We're talking and all, but we're not sure if we're gonna get back together. I felt so desperate for it; but now I know I'm not ready for it.

It's like, everything I didn't want you to do.. you're doing it now. You're taking advantage of this time that we're not together to do all those things that you know I don't approve of. But since now we're not together, I can't say anything. So I just choose not to say anything at all. I fear of our love being not strong enough, but you said if we get back together, it'll be stronger than ever. But i seriously have doubts about that.

I have to be the one that calls you. I have to be the one that cries every night. I have to be the one that gets hurt by things you say. All you feel is.. a part thats missing - but it doesn't really make any difference. Doesn't mean that now that we're not together, we're just friends trying to fix our rough patch in our relationship, you can do whatever the fuck you want to that you know I absolutely abhor.

Well it does mean that. But what the hell. If you still really want me, if you still really have the feelings towards me.. You wouldn't. But you did. If you did have the intention of us again, you would be the one trying, not me; I've done my part. You wouldn't be pissed off at me for saying something you don't like, because you do that to me all the time. When you do something I don't like, I just fucking shut up about it.. But when I do the same to you, you get so pissed off.

We're not ready. Seriously not ready.

ELO PPLZ!

2011-03-16T20:40:00.003+08:00

I made a new blogskin :)

I have like three blogskins lined up for my blog.

But.. I'm so lazy to code them.

HTML&CSS blurs my mind :(

It gets me so frustrated!

I'll code it when I feel like it.

I realised that,

time CAN seriously heal everything and anything O.O

Trust me.

HAHA.

KKBAII! :D

It was enchanting to meet you

2011-03-15T08:10:00.001+08:00

This is me praying that this was the very first page
Not where the story line ends
My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again
These are the words I held back as I was leaving too soon
I was enchanted to meet you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

Enchanted, by Taylor Swift.

:)

HELLO PEOPLE!

2011-03-13T22:07:00.002+08:00

I'm actually really happy today! Something happened but I'm not telling you what because you're so kepo and I hate you. :) But it's not that we got back together, 'cos we didn't. So, I'm sorry Victor, you lost! 13 days are over already! So long dy, waiting for one month to come. LOL haha :D

I had such a weird dream last night. I went on a plane and was arranged to sit with this unknown hot stranger. LOL. And I actually didn't mind as he was hot. Then I found out, he arranged it. He was stalking me all along. He was obsessed. And, at first I didn't mind like I said, he's hot. Then it got creepy because he kept coming closer. And Gaby & Kher Xhing were fighting over whether he was Chinese or Malay. RACIST! Turned out he was Chinese after all. RACIST!

kkbaii!

:(

2011-03-11T19:35:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow will be the 2 weeks we broke up. Time passes so fast.. Yet without you, I don't seem happy. You treat me like you still love me, you care about me so much. But you're still saying we can't be sure if we're gonna get back together again? What can I do, to be something you'll miss? What can I do, to make you be sure of us again? To make you remember the love we shared; to make you remember me? Do you know that, I trust you so much.. But I don't trust her? She wants you, I just know it. Maybe I'm just paranoid but so are you? I don't get angry and shout at you when you talk about him.. Because, I have nothing to hide from him. Everyone knows my love is only for you. Why won't you do the same?

Every single day, I want to call you so bad. But I know I shouldn't. I know you think it's annoying. But watch the person you love so much walk away from you, then tell me how it feels like. It doesn't feel nice, not at all! It feels like crap. And now I'm hurting emotionally and cramping physically. You don't even read my blog, so you probably won't read this. Why do I have to be the one to text you after school? Why is she with you wherever you go? I'm sorry, I wouldn't have cared.. But it's just.. She doesn't know about me.. She likes you.. It's not a very nice picture.

If I get cramps in the middle of the night, should I call you? Would you pick up? Or would you pick up and just shout at me? Or would you be like how you were before? When you gave me a hug and kisses through the phone, and told me everything's gonna be alright; that you're around; that you're always there for me? Or would you just not care because I'm not your business anymore?

You always make me so happy by saying that we will be together.. Just wait. And everything, and then out of a sudden, you would ruin my happiness by saying something like "IF we ever get back together again" or "maybe only". You make me feel so sure that you would want me back, that you would just be back, that I could just fall back in your arms again.. Which makes me smile like a retard. Then out of nowhere, you say those things that gets me down so much, you know??

How can you not be sure if you love me? How can you not be sure if you would ever get back with me again? I'm not saying like right now, all I'm asking of you is to give me an answer if we WILL or we WON'T. Because if we will, I promise you, honey, I'll wait for you. No matter how long it takes to get you ready again.

It kills me when you say "I don't know", "IF we'll get back together again", "see first".

HELLOOO :)

2011-03-10T18:01:00.001+08:00

Hi :)

I'm so bored..

I'm letting go soon.

After exams.

bye!

wake up, silly girl

2011-03-09T20:39:00.002+08:00

This isn't the end of world as you know it,

This is just the beginning of whats going to be a wonderful life.

Smile, silly girl, hold your smile in place.

Let him know you're strong, let him know you don't need him around.

Don't shed one single tear for someone like him,

Make your choice, girl, and don't turn back.

If everything was so unfair, why did you let it happen?

He, who speaks so lovingly to that girl,

Break your heart, more than once?

Why is it that,

Once bitten, twice bitten, thrice still bitten?

Why do you care of what he speaks or what he thinks?

Why can't you just do what your head tells you?

Why do you want something but not do it?

Why do you want to push him to that girl,

yet want to keep him to yourself?

Why do you want to move on to another person,

yet want to only be with no one but him?

What. Is. Your. Fucking. Problem?

How does getting rewarded through sharing sounds like to you? Join #ChurpChurp today and bring more friends to the community!

2011-03-06T16:43:00.001+08:00

Get rewarded just by sharing links and joining! Join me at ChurpChurp! Easy money by sharing links and signing up! :)

CLICK HERE TO START!

Much better and quicker than nuffnang! Trust me :)

Who do you think you are?

2011-03-06T16:01:00.005+08:00

Showing you that I could be happy without you. But not happier. One week has passed since we both broke up. I will always remember what someone has told me... Love won't hurt you. And to that someone, I'm sorry I'm not love. And to you, I'm sorry you're not love. You never loved me. Love is a word that we shouldn't use on this level of relationships. Eventhough we've been together for one year and five months, there was no part of you that showed you really cared. Well there was. Until you changed into this new person that I never thought would come out of you. I thought you were perfect, the best, meant for me.

Yesterday night, I was liking links on facebook. Then I saw this link. We shared everything together, funny times and sad times. We shared our day. How we felt, what happened. I wanted to share it with you.. until I remember you were no longer mine. You weren't mine anymore.. In a matter of time, you'll be someone else's. That's not easy to accept. I know that, every good thing must come to an end. And this is the end. You held me tight for one year five months, thank you for that. Those times were the most amazing times of life and now all they are are memories of what we used to be that I will forever keep and cherish ♥. Those were us, the happy us before she came along, before all these fights. It was us, it was love, it was perfect. It was something that I never wanted to end. It was something that I thought would never end.

But now the time has come. It ended. To all of you that said, "don't worry, you guys will never break up. He loves you so much and cares for you. You love him too, don't you?" and all that I've replied with "Of course I do. Without him, I'm nothing." And yes, I am nothing now. I'm just another girl, with no perfection, no confidence towards herself. You made me shine, you made me believe in myself. You told me that no matter how I am, no matter how I look, no matter how I act, I'll always be perfect in your eyes, that I'll always be beautiful. You made me smile through out the days that I was down. Through out the days that I was in pain, that I was hurt, that I was depressed, that I was worried. You brought out the best person in me. I was always really straightforward and I can't care less about people. But you brought out the soft side of me and made me emotional and sensitive.

To our amazing one year five months..

♥

Goodbye.

indescribable!

2011-03-04T18:37:00.002+08:00

I'm hurt.

Everytime you do this to me, do you think of how I'll feel? I know that, we're not together anymore, but you cant just say brb and leave for 4 hours. You know how I'll feel.. If you don't want us together again, just leave me, please. I know you're capable of doing that. Don't keep me hanging. If this is a game your playing, wake up your fucking mind. and make up your mind.

Heyy. :)

2011-03-01T22:15:00.005+08:00

Heyy. :)

So as you people said, me and him used to be the cutest couple ever. I know I seem happier today. But me and him, we're not together okay? We're not together anymore. I know right? Its such a waste XD haha! I wish we're together too, but we're not, okay?

And, you guys may see that I seem happy today, but im telling you, im not. Well, I'm happier than yesterday because today, we've stepped up a lil. His texts this morning made me smile :) His texts after school made me happy. But Im still wishing for it to happen again.. Im just not over it. Im in lovee somehow. Kinda weird.

Anyyway, tomorrow is the last day for my green lens and I'm not allowed to buy new pairs of coloured lens. My mum don't allow!! So, nevermind lah :)

Memories. :(

2011-02-27T21:27:00.002+08:00

I am struggling to be happy right now. I actually thought I was fine.. Until I read back my posts, I kept saying.. "Baby, I'm so lucky to have you." But recently, things changed so much.. You couldn't be like how I want you to be, You couldn't do one small thing for me. So now, I guess we're broken up? It was like a silent break up so yeah I guess. We were supposed to be like math. me + you = love forever. what happened? I was doing my homework, I can't even take out my calc. Thats when I got really down.. I remember, I had pictures of us on my calc. It's only been like 5 hours, and I'm already missing you so much. How do I move on? How do I get over you? I want to. But I can't. But I don't want you back either.. I can't want you back. I don't know what to do...

I kept sitting here, hoping it was you everytime my phone vibrated.. But none of it was from you.. I just hope that, the next time my phone vibrates, it would be a call from you.. Hoping that you would say sorry and tell me you love me like how you always did.. Hoping that you would forgive me and my big mouth. Hoping that you would find it in your heart to do that little thing for me. Just that little thing and we'd both be happy.

But then again, this "little thing" has made us fought over and over again.. But you just won't do it for me. I don't know why. It makes me so upset. It makes me feel like you don't love me enough. Why can't you just do it? Just that little thing for me? Because if you did do it, we wouldn't be fighting. All you have to do is open your mouth and say it. Is it that hard, honey? :( But you won't do it. You just wont. Is it worth losing me over? :( It is, isn't it?

This will be a lot harder for me than it would be for you. Because you have someone to help you through it all.. I hope your friendship blossoms into something more. I hope that friendship was worth it all.. I know she will help you through it, dont worry. Just dont worry.. A person being there for you will make you get through it a lot easier. Trust me, I've been there. And I'm not happy about it. I had to make tough decisions and I chose you, so why are you doing this to me? Why are you being so unfair?

It's my first relationship.. That lasted for a whole 17 months! Do you think it's easy to get through a first relationship that lasted for a fucking 17 months? No its not.. Its not hard for you, because it's not your first.

kay.. bye..

-still wishing youd call me and tell me to come back ♥ :( But it's not gonna happen... you probably wont even read this... well k..

goodbye baby.. :(

HELLO :D

2011-02-27T10:23:00.007+08:00

HELLO!!! :D

I'm seriously in a GREAT mood today eventhough theres something thats bringing me down.

I just feel like, really hyper right now. :)

Anyway, I'm going to post a picture in every post starting from today (I hope!)

'Cause I'm really lazy to post the China pics and all together.
When I post it all together, it just sorts of mess up my entire page and I have to spend like an hour fixing it, its so annoying.

So!

On Friday, we went out to watch a movie. We as in me, Gaby, Adriana, Kher Xhing, Li Qin, Wai Yuen, Jia An & Yee Huat. There was no other movie so we watched The Green Hornet (again-for me). The first time watching that movie was so nice :) The second time was so boring! The only fun thing was to see Jay Chou. Haha! Though I grew bored of seeing him like, halfway through the movie. He's not all that adorable but he's still adorable and I still love Jay Chou. I'm serious right now - Jay Chou's songs are the only Chinese songs I know, though his songs are kinda fast and I dont know what he's singing, but still :) Jay Chou! ♥ Then that day, baby fetched me back home :) Thanks baby. Muah!

Then Yesterday, we went for karaoke in Neway! :) This time, we as in me, Gaby, Adriana & Sherry. It was so fun :) We sang like crazy! Haha! So damn loud! I think the people walk past right is like "wtf O.O so pai tia!" We made a list at first right, and then it turned out the list was just nice! Until Adriana and Sherry had to go back. Then me and Gaby continued singing like, a few songs. Then right, we did something crazy. We took the extra mic we asked the fella to bring in, which was SUPER loud. And then she beatbox, while I sang off to Taylor Swift's Love Story. And it was like, damn fail but so fun! :) can you imagine? Beatboxing to Taylor Swift? Haha.

Well, thats it I guess. It's already Sunday. Gotta go work in a bit. Haih! Sad life. Study then work. Assessment is like coming up in a few days? And I don't understand even a bit of Science you know? Except some. How? I haven't started tuition yet also. I need to go ask my friends already! Well, okay. I should go now :)

kkbaii!

So bored

2011-02-24T17:03:00.002+08:00

Well, I'm currently really free :)
Because "NO ONE" is texting me.
Nevermind la.
I posted a HOT WOMEN CELEBS post before,
so since im so free now,
I'm going to post about hot guy ones :)
Hehe.

ENJOY! ;)
I know I will! HAHA!

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN!

KELLAN LUTZ

CHRIS EVANS

Bleh! I'm lazy to post more.

No mood! HAHA.

FUCK OFF.

2011-02-21T21:10:00.003+08:00

I hate any girl by the name of Lisa now.
:3 Sorry.
But yes I do.

She made my love life fall apart.
Once and for all.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee~
kkbaii.

:D

Confidence

2011-02-19T23:42:00.001+08:00

I was so sure, that I was gonna be with him for the rest of my life.
But now, I'm not sure how I feel towards him.

FUCKING FUCK OFF

2011-02-18T17:33:00.003+08:00

My feelings for you are fading.
You make me so angry.
My first relationship is ending soon.
Obvsly.

Your name is Chip, I bet you look like...

2011-02-15T18:28:00.003+08:00

Sometimes when I look at my reflection in the morning,
I ask myself.

1. Why do I have so many imperfections?
Nothing about myself is how I want it to be.
Nothing about myself is right.
But we have to live with it, and be thankful for what we have.

2. If I'm so imperfect, my relationship is probably on thin ice and I have to work my way up and be a good girlfriend if I want it to stay that way.

SO..

1. I want to be less jealous of whatever my guy does.
2. I want to be less sensitive towards what he does yet not be insensitive towards his feelings.
3. I better start treating him right.

YET..

1. Something about him makes me moody and cranky all the time.
2. How can he be so insensitive towards my feelings?

YET..

1. He makes me love him more and more each day.
2. He's really good to me somehow.

THOUGH..

I know, I just know I've made the right choice when he came back for me.

BUT..

What is going on with us? No, I mean what is going on with me?

I have the best boyfriend in the world,

THEN..

1. Why is it that I'm not happy?
2. Why is it that the more perfect he is, the more I worry?
3. Why is it that the better he treats me, the lesser I trust him?
4. Why is it that the most he gives me, seems like the least he could give?
5. Why is it that everything is his fault when it's obviously mine?
5. Why is it that I always treat him like I don't want him around me when I obviously need his presence surrounding me?

WTF is wrong with me,
When we fight, he always asks me this.

1. What is wrong with you?
2. Seriously, WTF is wrong with you?

And yes, I get so angry because there IS nothing wrong with me that I know of, because I keep saying that jealousy is how a girl shows love towards her guy.
But frankly, I don't know anymore.
WTF IS wrong with me?
Is there something wrong with me?

He tells me I'm beautiful, he tells me I'm perfect,
Why don't I see that?

He tells me he's loyal,
Why am I afraid?

He tells me it's a joke among friends,
Why am I afraid of losing my precious to someone better?

All these unanswered questions are haunting me till this very day.
I still can't work them out.

Now I realise why I'm so sensitive of what he does.

1. Too much TV.
2. Influenced by books.

Relationships like how they show on TV and written in books, they are so scary and yet so real. The guys tell their girlfriends how loyal they are, and how much they love her and etc. Yet they go wandering and flirting and cheating.

Those are what made me afraid.
I know they're just fiction, but I mean..
What if one day, it happens the same way?
What if one day, he goes wandering, flirting and cheating?
Is there anything I can do about it? No.
All there is for me to do is worry, be jealous and be sensitive AND controlling.
And I know that's what's gonna break us apart.
Yet I can't stop.
What if it really happens one day,
And if I did stop it,
What would happen then?
I couldn't just take him back if he's capable of cheating.
But yet I want to be with him like, forever.
But is there a forever that is promising?
No.

Dear baby,
I don't know how to face you.
I don't know how to talk to you.
I don't know how to love you.
I don't know how to treat you right.
I don't know how to be with you.

YET..

I love you so much.

kkbaii.

Valentine's ♥

2011-02-14T22:16:00.001+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day!
:)

Thank you baby for the roses,
I can't believe you got everything planned out just for me!
I love you so much,
I am so fucking lucky to have you.
Why do I deserve you?
'Cause I'm awesome too right? hehe.
Muah baby!
I love you so damn much <3!

Hello.

2011-02-12T22:26:00.003+08:00

Hello.
Hows it going?
Its been a while.
Theres nothing much going on
These few days are pretty unproductive.
Came back from China and feel so dead.

I watched P.S I Love You on PPS yesterday.
its so damn touching!
sniffsniff.

kkbaii.

fucked up

2011-02-01T17:49:00.003+08:00

Just when I got over all this crap,
This comes up.
Great.

How do I trust you when you have friends who tells you to flirt?
Friends are the first influences to every fucking thing.

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU FUCKING ARE?

I love you.

2011-01-28T20:41:00.002+08:00

Babe,
I know you're in college now.
But baby, I hope you remember me.
We've been together for 16 months already.
I hope when those hot, gorgeous, perfect, college girls get slutty with you,
Or flirty,
Pleasepleaseplease think of me.
Think of me, staying loyal and faithful, waiting for you.
Please don't ever cheat on me.
I know you keep telling me you wont,
But that's because the hot, gorgeous, perfect, college girls haven't started flirting or slutting with you yet.
It's a guy's nature to be curious.
But please baby,
You always tell me you love me.
And I believe you,
So please don't betray my trust.
Please be loyal to me.
That's all I ever ask of you.
Be loyal to me.
Don't cheat on me.
I love you so much ♥

Ready

2011-01-28T18:21:00.003+08:00

I'm ready to tell you how I feel.
I'm ready to say what I want to say,
eventhough in the end its me I hurt.

Life

2011-01-25T21:13:00.001+08:00

I am merajuking while he is watching tv.
:(
Bored.
Oh yeah, I have not posted the pictures in China yet.
Soon.

kkbaii.

HMM

2011-01-23T12:53:00.002+08:00

You guys know I came back from China 5 days ago right?
I'll upload the pictures soon, I'm so lazy!
It snowed and it was fun.
But now I'm sick! :(
I'm sick for like, 3 days already!
Still haven't ok.

SIXTEEN!

2011-01-20T19:11:00.001+08:00

BABY!!!
Happy 16 months!
I love you so much!

Call you later :P

Hehe, baby I love you so much!!!
SO SO SO SO MUCH!

Really?

2011-01-20T10:15:00.023+08:00

When it comes to hot women,

Megan Fox takes the lead.

Katy Perry takes the second.

But really?

I bet there's a million of women out there that looks hella lot better than Megan Fox.

Personally, I think Katy Perry is hotter.

She seems a little doll-like,

But she looks SO natural when it comes to her and Megan Fox.

About Megan Fox,

1. She's lost her curves, not completely but yes.

2. She's married, soon she'll have a baby bump, don't you think?

For the sake of the guys reading,

Here's a picture, go nuts!

Source

Isn't she getting a little too bony?
She works her pout-over-shoulder thing but she's not transforming anything else.

Honestly, I think Angelina Jolie should be taking the lead.

I like Megan Fox better in 2006.

Doesn't she look sweet?

What has she become, seriously.

Secret Revealed?

2011-01-11T21:05:00.003+08:00

Many many many of you asked me about my hair.

Firstly, I didn't go for a perm.

Secondly, it's not because I braided my hair on Monday.

Thirdly, I have neither a curling iron nor a straightener at home.

Do you want to know how I curled my hair?

Tell me in my tagboard, and I might put a step-by-step.

...

2011-01-07T07:05:00.001+08:00

You and me both know we're not the same anymore.

We used to wake up at 5:45 just to talk until 7.

And talk from 8:30 until like fucking 11 or 12.

Now?

7 to 7:10.

9 to 9:30.

Debate Time!

2011-01-06T21:13:00.002+08:00

Would you rather...

Be pretty and know that people like you because of your pretty face or,

Be just alright looks and know that people love you because of who you are?

I would want people to love me for who I am.

I mean, why.

Why do you girls(including me, i admit) try to look cute or pretty,

Just to catch some guy's attention?

That's what I used to do.

Until I got with my baby,

I noticed that looks don't matter at all.

Looks are just things that make you feel secure about yourself,

but when you find someone so amazing, you don't need looks!

You'll for sure feel secure when he's around and there for you :)

So glad you made time to see me ♥

2011-01-06T21:02:00.003+08:00

So, you see.

I recently met this person with such pride.

At first, he was really nice and friendly.

Then Wai Yuen & Kher Xhing made it awkward for me.

Then today he talked about how good he was at some sport.

Make me feel damn dulan, haha.

For no reason, but yeah.

kkbaii.

HELLO :D

2011-01-04T20:37:00.002+08:00

Hihihihi!

I haven't updated in like, two days?

I'm so sorry.

But homework has been killing me.

I don't know how the others find time to go on Facebook!

My hand literally hurt from all the writing.

kkbaii.

Great start!

2011-01-01T19:09:00.002+08:00

I feel like I've started new!

I don't depend on my babe so much anymore.

Actually, I spend like only the night time with him through texts and calls,

Pathetic, I know but yeah.

And I'm actually okay.

I'm actually happy :)

Oh ya, I've started Twittering, so.

Follow me ♥

MMXI!

2011-01-01T18:20:00.002+08:00

Happy New Year's everyone! :)

2011!

haha, when I was working today.

I was so excited that it was 1/1/11!

There was a receipt someone requested.

And I went and write 1/11/11.

HAHA :D

My mum said I'm going crazy.

She said I seem happier.

I am happier, for some reason I don't know.

I'm going to watch Gulliver's Travels tonight in JJ Bukit Raja.

The last time I went to watch HP7,

They were renovating.

I can't wait to see what it turned out to be :D

kkbaii.

Close your eyes and make a wish.

2011-01-01T03:25:00.000+08:00

I wish you fucking cared.

I love ♥

2010-12-31T20:19:00.003+08:00

My run-through of 2010 and my new year's resolutions.

1. Found out who true friends are, and who's not.

2. Realised that being in a relationship hurts as much as losing one.

3. Realised that time flies when you're having fun.

4. Rushed to judgments approximately 8 times.

5. Had to make a really difficult choice.

6. Realised there are actually people who love and care for me :)

7. I didn't study.

My New Year's Resolutions are:

1. To not be so sensitive.

2. To not rush to judgments.

3. To study.

4. To love life as it is.

5. To be happy no matter what happens.

6. To not cry so much.

7. To spend time with friends.

8. Try to spend as much time with babe.

♥

I swear, this is true

2010-12-30T16:09:00.003+08:00

School is starting so soon!

Ew.

Though, I'm quite excited for the first day :)

YAY!

Gaby, Adriana, Kher Xhing, Li Qin, Kendrick,

I miss you guys so much ♥

-.-

2010-12-29T20:10:00.003+08:00

Stop breaking things, it's not helping.

You've broken like 19463104710 things.

You broke my trophy, you broke 5 bowls and 2 plates and a few cups, you broke a bottle of perfume, you broke so many things.

You were walking around and didn't know it was raining.

Communication is key,

but how to communicate if you don't fucking get what I'm saying?

If you break my makeup and stuff I love, Ima fucking kill you.

I don't mean to sound spoiled, but yes.

Theres a spark in you ♥

2010-12-29T18:14:00.000+08:00

I got my hair cut and straightened yesterday.

HEHE!

2010-12-26T17:47:00.000+08:00

FIVEFIVE!!!

HEHE :D

BABYBABYBABY!!!

YAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!

heh, sorry.

im so excited,

i havent talked to my baby for 5 days.

YAY YAY YAY!

he's coming back in like 4 hours,

can't wait!

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

so happy!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2010-12-25T16:33:00.004+08:00

My parents bought me this from Elianto:
Okay.. Pretty box.. Whats inside? Hand cream? Lotion?

Unwrapping....
Almost there...

OMG, its makeup.
My parents bought me makeup! :)
I'm always like "MUM I WANT MAKEUP!"
she'll be like, "No, when I buy it for you, you wont use. And its fake and unnatural."
So yes, this is a big deal.
I love my parents!
SO FREAKING MUCH <3
Im so happy!
I love love love my parents more than anything or anyone else ♥

MISSIN' YOU ♥

2010-12-25T16:25:00.003+08:00

HELLO! CLOSEUP XD
You're probably wonderin' whats with the close up.
Cant you see?

Someone proposed to me today! :) Hehe! I have a ringgg!
YAY, im not unwanted :P

p.s: Im joking, its my mums ring HAHAHA.

SUNWAYEDD.

2010-12-25T11:35:00.002+08:00

SUNWAY POST TWO.

Sorry it took quite awhile.

To be honest, I forgot about it already one.

Then just now I read back :x

We went to play laser tag.

It was fun.

Thats all there is to say LOL.

kkbaii.

Almost done

2010-12-25T07:13:00.003+08:00

4 of 5.

I'm fucking sad, srsly.

Yesterday, he didn't even text me.

Not one message.

I thought its okay, he'll text me at midnight,

and wish me Merry Christmas altogether, but no.

It's just disappointing and really sad.

Its okay... Its Christmas.

I'm supposed to be happy :)

Well..

Merry Christmas! :)

Eh Eh.

2010-12-24T16:50:00.003+08:00

3 of 5.

Time flies when you're having fun~

Haha!

baby come home, wo miss ni :)

QUICKQUICKQUICK!!!

Hehe, I've got so much to tell you about!

COME HOME COME HOME! ♥

Hmmm..

2010-12-23T08:47:00.002+08:00

I've grown QUITE okay to the situation.

Its already 2 out of 5 days.

He's coming home soon. :)

I text him with no replies everyday.

LOL! Sad case.

Don't go any further

2010-12-22T20:42:00.003+08:00

Baby....

I can't reach you.

I've texted you a million times,

you probably didn't receive it.

I tried calling you a million times too,

it says the number isn't available, please try again later.

apparently, i've tried a lot of laters.

It still didn't work.

I need you, baby.

I need to talk to you before I go pig :(

I cried at the recordings.

Baby, I miss you..

If I can't reach you, how do I spend 5 days without you?

Just Walkaway..

2010-12-22T08:31:00.004+08:00

He left me.. again.

For China this time :(

For a whole 5 days.

Well, I think his plane doesn't leave til 10.

Hehe, I made him record I love yous XD

That sounded kinda creepy.

Yknow yesterday I sent him a 5paged text message to answer his question, 'Baby, why do you love me?'

And I got one line back SNIFFFFFF.

Anyway, back to topic.

Baby's at the airport already.

I cried like crazy as if he was gonna leave me :(

HE IS WHAT.

for 5 days okay, you know how long that is.

Well, ima watch tv a lot when he's gone.

Or, err..

Crap, I have no life.

And probably no friends because of my previous posts.

Sigh, life.

HIGHFIVE KENDRICK!

Anyway.

I'm gonna be alone for Christmas :(

BABY I LOVE YOU ♥ :(

fifteen ♥

2010-12-20T20:32:00.004+08:00

Dearest baby, Lee Hong Xiang.

We have already been together for 15 amazing months.

It's so amazing, because only you can stand me and my attitude for a whole 15 months!

I love you so much and you know it won't fade ♥

You're like my best friend.

You're always there for me, no matter what.

When I'm sad, when I'm convinced life couldn't be any worse,

You make me think otherwise.

I can share all my problems with you because I know you'll listen,

and you'll lend me your shoulder to cry on.

I know that it's hard t0 be my boyfriend,

but you always keep trying your best.

To make me happy.

You'll support me through anything.

You won't judge me.

You fully trust me.

You believe in me.

You care about me.

You make me fall so deeeeeep.

You make me so in love with you.

I know we won't get to spend much time together anymore,

but we're trying our best, I know you are.

My love for you, and how I feel about you is indescribable.

I just love you so much!

Happy FIFTEEN months, babe! ♥

MUAHS! c:

SUNWAYED.

2010-12-18T23:32:00.002+08:00

Omg, finally.

Been so excited since few days ago.

Soso,

we met at Starbucks at the main entrance at about 10:30?

Kendrick had to wait for 30 whole minutes. haha, sorry.

Then I reach, then Baby and Li Qin.

We went to the ticket booths, which were really really long lines.

I needed the toilet really badly, so baby brought me to one. XD

while Li Qin & Kendrick bought the tix.

Then, we went in.

Changed, then go water rides.

HAHA. The slide thing, the tube oneee!

It was so damn dark! But not that scary.

Still fun la.

Then we went to the mat slide thing.

LOL.

The guy blew the whistle, signalling us to start.

Kendrick and LiQin went down dy,

then I'm like "I DONT KNOW HOW!!!"

So baby didnt go, waiting for me. Then when I found out how, we went.

Then when I shouted I DONT KNOW HOW, Kendrick stopped halfway, HAHA!!!

He terscratched his hand I think. Im sorry Kendrick haha.

Li Qin went the furthest! XD

Then I forgot where we went.

Sorry, amnesia.

I remember we had Pizza Hut for lunch.

We went on the Tomahawk.

DAMN LA.

NO MORE 360 rides!

DAMN SCARY.

but quite fun also :)

i would go again la, haha!

we went to the Go Kart too, haha!

First, me and baby took the double seater.

Hahahaha, then I keep saying I wanna drive.

They wanna go next round, so the next round I took a single seater.

And I didnt dare to step on the acceleration hard.

I scared skid -.-

Stupid right.

Then baby bang me and I crashed.

I shouted WHAT THE FUCK! And the people watchin must have been like O.O

but i dont know, i didnt look. Then after awhile, I dare to step dy.

So I went quite fast okay.

HAHA!

It was fun :D

Then a lot la, lazy blog dy.

I go sleep edy.

nightnight.

-to be continued-

I wanna be your Lover

2010-12-16T19:37:00.002+08:00

So.

I made a blogskin.

I think its cute.

LALALA :D

Im currently fixing the html/css stuff.

Its been such a long time.

And I don't know which part I went wrong, and its so messed up right now.

Fix it when I have the mood.

But its still cute.

I made a Christmas blogskin before the one I made now,

Its a couple kissing like really.. excitingly LMAO.

But..

the guy seemed to be enjoying the kiss a little bit too much,

and it seemed obvious.

After that, and thanks to Kendrick,

everything about the blogskin looked wrong.

So I made a new one.

Will probably put it up soon.

xx.

Baby you're a firework

2010-12-11T22:45:00.003+08:00

FINALLY ♥

Love Looks Hard

2010-12-11T12:39:00.002+08:00

Well, thank you. VERY MUCH.
Its the last time I get to see you for a really long time,
and you bail on me for a sport?
Great. Just awesome, alright?
Just go.
Things couldn't be more amazing.
Sarcasm intended.

Horrified Looks

2010-12-10T19:26:00.002+08:00

Stop making such a big deal out of it.
I'm bummed.
You say stuff you don't mean.
But I did mean some of them.

I seriously dreaaaaaad school reopening.
I love the holidays! :3

But I need to spend time with baby!

Cheery blogskin FTW :)

Turn Around

2010-12-09T17:28:00.003+08:00

When something is wrong, I know it.
And now I know something is wrong.
Something in my fucked up life is wrong.

In every part.
The boyfriend & the friends.
But this post isn't just about the boyfriend,

About the friends:

Coming to think of it,
It was true I was a bitch.
I'm proud.
I'm sorry to myself if it's gonna make me lose friends.
At least I'm true to myself,
thats just how I am.
I don't care how you think of me,
But I'll still give you my honest opinion.

If you don't want to have anything to do with me,
Just say it.
You don't have to say all those shit behind my back.
You don't have to say you have something else to attend and you can't go where ever I plan.
Truthfully, it hurts. It feels like fuck to know that, something that I've been planning so hard, you guys dont want to go.
But now I dont give a shit okay?
If you dont wanna go, then dont.
I'm gonna go anyway.
Its good if you dont.
I can go with people who actually accept me for who I am,
Talk about how life's been.
Which is pretty bad, because people like you have been in it.
People who can actually be honest to me.
People who don't address other people as hypocrites when you are one yourself.
I admit, I am hypocritical.
I'm not a person who can express how I feel by talking.
I need to write, and if you didn't know that,
You don't know me.
Which is sad if you are the one who has been spending the whole year with me.
I know, that you're only spending it with me because I dont know..
You pity me? You have no one else?
Well, if you do, I don't fucking need your pity.
I'm fine by myself, tyvm.
I know you prefer her, so why dont you just go?
Because she doesn't prefer you.
She prefers her friends.
I know people seem like they love you,
They don't, or so I've heard.
And that makes me feel happy inside.
Hehehe, that sounded evil.
Intended.

About the boyfriend:
I know I've spend a whole year and almost 3 months with you.
I appreciate every moment of it.
You used to, now it doesn't seem like you do.
My world used to revolve around you.
Now, not so much.
When you first started spending lesser and lesser time with me,
I was so hurt, it felt like you didn't want me anymore.
Now I'm kinda used to it.
But then, when I saw that checklist thing,
and I wasn't in it,
It hurt.
But come to think of it, so what?
It's your checklist, it's what you really want.
And I'm not what you really want.
So, I'll stay out of the way.
You should also start accepting me for who I am.
And I am coming to accept this "new life" of yours, or so you call it.
New life? More like new person.
I don't care about your new life.
Your friends, yeah they're important.
That I understand.
But this new person you've turned into?
Not so much.
If this is a game you're playing,
To act and see who can care less,
I'll be glad to play along.
Because, if I keep it up,
or if you keep it up,
I won't care.
I was pretty fucked up when my days revolved around you.
I was sad when you couldn't spend time with me,
But now?
I couldn't care less.
I have my things to do, you have yours.
Its fine,
Especially when I'm working.
Time flies.
I mean, I gotta start making myself feel fine without you,
because soon you're not gonna be around.
And I don't know what to feel about that.
But, if its gonna happen, it is.
I dont know what YOU feel.
But it IS hurting me, is it killing you like its killing me?
I just don't want to think about it going to end soon.
I think about this as just a break.
That you need a break from all the boyfriend responsibilities.
But how long can I pretend?
Pretend that this is nothing to me?

Easy Come, Easy Go

2010-12-08T17:59:00.003+08:00

I have to work everyday, so I dont update much.
I hate all you people who sit at home and lazy around.
:D

Still An Innocent ♥

2010-11-29T19:06:00.002+08:00

How long was it since I've updated?
Haha, sorry laaaa.
I'm just too caught up with things lately.
A lot have changed.
And I'm just trying to keep up.
I don't even know what was the date today. I thought it was 26th.
And I didn't even wish Gaby for her birthday.
Sigh.
I'm sorry Gaby.
I'm just so stressed out over things.
But happy belated birthday :)

Life is a Tough Crowd

2010-11-18T17:18:00.002+08:00

I DONT CARE HOW CLOSE OK
I JUST DONT LIKE
FRIENDLY MY ASS

Tomorrow is the last day of school.
Just to warn you,
there's gonna be a lot of tears from me.
Though most probably quite a number of you will only read this after tomorrow -.-

Faster Than You Can Say Sabotage

2010-11-13T21:24:00.001+08:00

Ignore my previous posts.
I'm having moodswings.

Its So Troubling

2010-11-13T19:14:00.002+08:00

I have this feeling which is killing me.
It feels like its stabbing at my chest.
It hurts so badly..
I want to express how I feel, but I don't know how to start.
I don't even know what I'm feeling,
I'm so confused.

Am I the one you love?
Am I the one you want to spend your time with?
Do I come first?
Am I always in your mind?

I just don't feel secure anymore.
Your promises, lies?

You and I walk a fragile line

2010-11-13T18:37:00.002+08:00

The Story of Us - Taylor Swift

I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us,
How we met
And the sparks flew instantly
And people would say they're the lucky ones

I used to know my place was the spot next to you,
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat
Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on

Oh, a simple complication,
Miscommunications lead to fallout,
So many things that I wish you knew
So many walls up that I can't break through

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dyin' to know
Is it killing you
Like it's killing me?
Yeah
I don't know what to say since a twist of fate, when it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now

Next chapter

How'd we end up this way?
See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy
And you're doing your best to avoid me
I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us
Of how I was losing my mind when I saw you here
But you held your pride like you should have held me,
Oh I'm scared to see the ending why are we pretending this is nothing
I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how
I've never heard silence quite this loud.

(Chorus)
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know
Is it killing you
Like it's killing me?
Yeah
And I don't know what to say since a twist of fate, when it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now

This is looking like a contest
Of who can act like they care less
But I liked it better when you were on my side

The battle's in your hands now
But I would lay my armor down
If you said you'd rather love than fight

So many things that you wish I knew
But the story of us might be ending soon

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know
Is it killing you
Like it's killing me?
Yeah
And I don't know what to say since a twist of fate, when it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now
Now, Now, Now

And were not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me?
Yeah
And I don't know what to say since a twist of fate, cause we're going down.
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now
The End

I'm Haunted

2010-11-13T10:58:00.003+08:00

Sorry I'm a little late,
But I'm liking Taylor Swift's album: Speak Now.
It's just so not Taylor Swift.
I mean, Taylor Swift's songs are nice.
But all of them sound almost the same o.o
So I like this album.
It can relate to a lot.

When You're Fifteen

2010-11-11T18:27:00.002+08:00

You promised me you'll treat me the way I should be treated.
You told me I always come first.
You promised me you won't raise your voice at me anymore.
What happened to all that?
Why is it that whenever I do something, its never good enough?
When I care about you, you raise your voice at me.
When I advise you, you raise your voice at me.
When I say I want to talk to you, you raise your voice at me.
You raise your voice at me when you're frustrated.
Which is a lot lately.
I don't see you much anymore.
We don't spend much time anymore.
I know its cause of your exams.
But at least just stop raising your voice at me.
If you love me,
Its time you started making me feel like you do.
When I tell you what I feel, that I feel insecure,
You raise your voice at me, asking me to stop saying that.
I will stop saying that, but I still feel insecure being with you nowadays,
Feeling like you're going to dump me soon.
When you get the chance to talk to me, you're tired.
I don't know whats going on with us.
I cry, you raise your voice at me.
So, I cry almost every night before I sleep,
after I hang up.
But I can't tell you that,
I'm afraid of you.
I'm afraid you'll raise your voice at me again.
Whenever I say something, I think twice.
Thats why I'm not talking much anymore.
You told me you're trying your hardest but I'm not,
Really? Are you?
Am I not?
I always felt so right with you,
Please don't make that go away.

He was the Only One for Me

2010-11-11T18:21:00.003+08:00

Lost my badminton.
But I don't really feel sad.
I'm just glad it's over.
Time for the lazying already.
I got 13th in class again :(
Damn sad..
My mum's not going to be proud of me.
She's gonna say I date until can't study.
I got 7As over 10.
Isn't that enough?
For me, it is.
Apparently it isn't, to her.
:(

Anyway, I'm not going to school tomorrow.
I'm staying home, I feel lazy.
Let me describe how I feel.
I want to blast my aircond at a really nice temperature,
Snuggle in bed until 12pm.
With baby hugging me all the time.
Whole day in bed.
That sounded wrong.
As in, do everything in bed. e.g: Computering, etc.
:) hehe.
Okay bye.

'Cause You Had a Bad Day

2010-11-10T21:18:00.002+08:00

Aiyoh ):
Woke up around 6:30, then talked to baby.
Until around 7:10 :P
I didn't go to school,
I have no idea how baby prepare for school so fast.
Then I went to work, at Shah Alam.
I came back to my dad's office at around 3 in the afternoon.
Then used the computer with my cousin.
Then after around 4, I waited for baby to text me.
But he didn't ):
So, I texted him, then he didn't reply.
Then after awhile I texted him again, still no reply ):
Until around 7, he called me three times with some housephone,
But I didn't see, so I didn't answer ):
Then I worried, worried, worried.
Then I wondered if anything happened to his phone, so I called him once.
No answer, so I went online. (I don't know why, just felt like I had to)
Then I ask Khai Boon about tomorrow's match and I asked him..
"Have you seen my baby?" ):
And then I got worried about my baby,
and stressed out about tomorrow's match.
With GABY. Funny right?
Cmon lah, sure she win what.
Then I almost cried, getting worried about baby ):
Then finally around 8:30, baby called me.
I teared in joy XD
What lah!
My baby's alright and I was worried sick okay?
And he told me what happened.
And I feel better now.
But I'm still stressed out about my match tomorrow.
I am not in the mood for badminton or school.
I know I'll suck.

Just The Way You Are

2010-11-09T17:50:00.003+08:00

So, today was the interhouse games.
Badminton, for lower forms.
Green vs. Red.
I played singles.
Won :) hehe.

'Cause I'm broken

2010-11-02T17:33:00.000+08:00

Let Go

2010-10-27T17:24:00.002+08:00

I just have to say something, I have to let it all out.
Just that 9 days with you was fucking amazing.
But I hurt you as hell.
I dont ever want to do that again.

I love my baby a lot, and you made it fade.
But now, its as strong as ever.
And I'm not going to let you make it fade again.
So just get away from my mind.

Im not going to let my head wander to someone..
Like you.
I hurt you and youre never coming back.
Not even as a friend.
So goodbye.
This is my last thought of you.

You are the Thunder, I am the Lightning.

2010-10-26T17:25:00.002+08:00

A lot of confusing situations lately.
But right now, gotta focus on my exams.
After exams then yay :D
So stressed out now..

blahblahblah

2010-10-22T20:07:00.002+08:00

I remember the time when I was in your arms,
You told me the scary parts were coming,
And I was so shy.

And the time we went bowling,
I didn't talk to you at all,
but can't help noticing how cute you are.

I remember at camp,
That was the sweetest thing ever.

So, why did you tell me you love me,
When you knew it was gonna end?

You broke my heart.
A lot.
But I still miss the times we had together.
Wtf? Someone just slap me lah.

BM paper 2 was quite okay surprisingly.
But the paper 1 was a little bit harder.

To everyone thats suspicious,
I'm still single ok? But unavailable :D
Dont think I can take another heartbreak.
But its always good for a new start.

I mean, I miss the times we had together.
They were such happy times, so memorable.
That is always in my head, no matter how hard I try to get it out.

I fucking wasted my time writing such a long letter for you.
But I hope you know I meant all of that.

And like I said, even if there were so many happy times,
I know I can create muchmuch more happy times.
Without you, I can do better.

Fly~

2010-10-19T17:41:00.001+08:00

Don't make me fall hard again.

A New Beginning

2010-10-17T10:26:00.002+08:00

This is what I have to say:

Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Lucky by Colbie Caillat and Jason Mraz

To the jerk that had me:

Look inside, look inside your tiny mind
Then look a bit harder
'Cause we're so uninspired, so sick and tired
Of all the hatred you harbor

So you say it's not okay to be gay
Well, I think you're just evil
You're just some racist who can't tie my laces
Your point of view is medieval

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause your words don't translate
And it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Do you get, do you get a little kick
Out of being small minded?
You want to be like your father
It's approval you're after
Well, that's not how you find it

Do you, do you really enjoy
Living a life that's so hateful?
'Cause there's a hole where your soul should be
You're losing control a bit
And it's really distasteful

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause your words don't translate
And it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you

You say you think we need to go to war
Well, you're already in one
'Cause it's people like you that need to get slew
No one wants your opinion

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause your words don't translate
And it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you

Fuck You by Lily Allen

Spare A Thought For Me

2010-10-15T19:25:00.001+08:00

I'm over it :)
I know that there are so many guys out there.
That deserves me way more than you do :)

Braced Myself for the Goodbye

2010-10-15T09:37:00.003+08:00

Yes, its true.
HX and I have broken up.
Get over it.

I just realised,
that for the whole year I was with him,
I pushed all my friends aside.
Especially one of them..
And I'm so sorry.
That person doesn't even read my blog but yeah,
Still feels good to say sorry.
We used to be so close,
That person's always there for me.
And I have to admit, yes,
I feel guilty.
That I haven't talked to that person for a whole year,
Unless I have fights with HX and I talk to him,
I'm gonna make it up to all of you.
Especially you :)
You're leaving so soon!
I know it's like 11 months left till you leave,
But time is passing really fast.
I wanna do what we used to do together,
We watched movies together, we crapped together,
We even created our own dictionary of meaningless words.
Its so fun and I just want to continue it.
Please forgive me for everything I've done.
We should like totally go out for a movie,
Something like Aliens in the Attic :P
Some really horrible movie.

Its really hard getting over HX,
But Im in the process of trying.
I just really wished I was like in his arms at this moment,
But I know that it won't happen anymore.
We do care a lot about each other and we do love each other (at least I do),
But we just know it won't work if we don't try.
But right now, we just can't try.
We have to focus on studies now,
He has his SPM, which like actually decides the whole of his life.
But I just really wished nothing happened.
I miss you, biscuit.

I promise that no matter what happens,
Friends will always be important.
But it depends on which type of friend you are.
If you're the one that lends me your shoulder to cry on,
Sings to me when I'm sad, Gives me really good advices,
I would definitely keep you in my heart.
A big part of it, actually.
But if you're the ones that shows all of that but bitches about me behind my back,
fuck you.

I really need a big, warm hug.
Thats what biscuit used to give me a lot.
So, when I'm so sad and everything,
I just need a hug ♥

A first real relationship is always hard to get over.
A first kiss is always hard to forget.
And I can't forget.
Though people tell me its not worth my time.
That I shouldn't even have a little bit of that thought in the back of my head.
I'm trying, but I can't.
I guess I'll slowly heal..

I slept at 6:30am.
I woke up at 6:55 and fell asleep again.
And when I woke up, it was 7:40..
And I was late for school.
FML.

Is being single better than being with someone you love?
Or is being with someone you love better than being single?
But, both ways does have its advantages.
Being single makes you free you know. You could have three guy friends and one of them wont get jealous of the other.
Being with someone you love, is like having someone to hold on to. When you need a shoulder to cry on, he's there. When you're scared, or when you think everything is so messed up, he can just pull you into a warm hug that makes you feel so safe.

I keep having the false hope that one day he will come back to me.
How stupid am I?

Baby :)

2010-10-09T19:41:00.003+08:00

My laptop crashed.
It says it cant read the Boot Mgr (Manager).
Why lah!
I'm using my dad's laptop now.
And texting biscuit :)

And I just remembered I'm supposed to put up a picture from CAREFashion.
In every post.

The music of the night

2010-10-08T15:43:00.005+08:00

Pardon me for being another of those fat people who are in love with fast food.
Well, I'm not really in love. If you let me pick between fast food and Japanese food, I'd go for Jap. :)
But I'm just asking WHY, OH WHY!!
Why does McDonalds like to put all those SUPER scrumptious food for a limited time only?
Like for example, the mouthwatering GCB! Then now, the Spicy McShaker.
WHY OH WHY!

And I know I'm such a petulant person nowadays,
My relationship with my darling is just on a rough patch.
But we're trying to work things out.
So don't ask me why I'm feeling so dejected.
When I'm not cheerful, don't bother me.

I'll probably just feel like slapping you.
When you see me depressed,
Dont say anything or ask me anything that has anything to do with darling.
Dont piss me off.

Yes, I am sad and we're having some minor problems.
But, I still love my darling.

This part is going to be mushy.
So, if you're gonna go and be like "Yer so disgusting" and puke,
I suggest you not read this part.
But since I told not to read this part,
you obstinate children will just go ahead and read it,
And then after you read what I just said,
Your ego is saying "Please lah, who want to read?"
But you'll read it anyway and go "Yer so disgusting lah"
I have all your minds read!
So predictable.
This is what I have to say,
I call him... my biscuit.
Hehe :)

When You're Around

2010-10-01T09:46:00.004+08:00

There's 3 more weeks to exam only.
When I do exercises and homework nowadays,
I think to myself,
"What have I been doing the past year?"

I seriously have to study already okay!
But when I open the Sejarah book, I don't have the mood anymore.
3 fucking weeks okay?

Its funny how sometimes,
The person that someone else likes is unexpected.
Its sometimes digusting too.

I love my babykins! ♥
Hehe :D
Mwaaah baby :P

Imma Get Your Heart Racing

2010-09-30T16:40:00.002+08:00

Todays orientation for the std 6 was fun.
They were all so friendly and sweet :)

----

STOP FUCKING PUTTING ALL THE BLAME ON ME OK?
YOURE NOT EXACTLY PERFECT EITHER.
ITS NOT LIKE I PURPOSELY RIGHT?
YOU ALSO RIGHT?
FUCK LA.

My missing puzzle piece ♥

2010-09-24T09:22:00.003+08:00

Okay, let me just make things clear with you people.
I won't link your blog if it is private.
Doesn't change anything if you invited me or not.
The purpose of linking someone is to let other people click and go to their blog, right?
So stop msning me asking me to link you if your blog is private.
I won't.

Anywho!
My blog's kinda dead, isnt it?
Im trying to update more lah, okay?
Is it my fault that my life is so boring nowadays?

And as I've promised everyone that reads my blog that I'll post a picture.
From CAREFashion in every post,
Here's one.

~~Price: RM39~~
Member Price: RM34